January 10, 2005
by Angela Hussain

A clinical psychologist has told candidly of how she struggled to make sense of her own voice-hearing experience.

In this month's edition of Clinical Psychology magazine Janine Soffe described her experience more than two years ago while training to be a clinical psychologist.

"Despite all my training I'm still unsure as to what I make of it [her voice-hearing experience]," wrote Soffe.

"It did give me a feel for how truly frightening it can be for people who do hear voices and how they try to make sense of what's happening for them."

Soffe's voice-hearing experience occured at her parent's home

While being kept awake by a nearby party, Soffe wrote that she heard a male voice in the lefthand side of her head close to her ear.

"He mutterd something, then clearly spoke my name and then that 'they weren't going to let me get away with it, before mumbling something else. Finally ending with, 'you bitch'."

Soffe, who works for North West Shropshire Community Mental Health team (part of Shropshire Primary Care Trust) admitted to being 'absolutely terrified'

"I had never been so scared in my life that I could remember. For those few moments I reacted with total terror and didn't know what to do.

"I then flung myself out of bed and switched the bedside light on with my heart racing and thumping in my chest.

"Sitting up in bed I fully expected a man to be stood there or at least someone or something. There was nothing."

Soffe then recounted how she struggled to make sense of her experience, pondering on whether it was caused by her being tired, having a cold, or whether it was something she imagined. She also asked herself whether she had heard a malevolent force or a ghost.

"Or maybe the people at the party knew that I was upset at being kept awake and they were warning me not to complain?," she wrote.

"Despite all the training and 'knowledge' about such experiences, I reacted with terror and didn't know what to do.

Soffe admits she did not discuss the experience with her family, but did mention it to those colleagues who "would not pathologies my experience."

She added: "Later, in telling other colleagues, some would suggest, albeit gently that surely it was a voice inside my head. I now have a greater appreciation for how frustrating it can be to have your understanding of your experience questioned. I was there and, no, the voice wasn't inside my head. No matter how many times you ask me, it was outside of my head"

See also:
Feb 1, 2004: Leading clinical psychologist describes feelings of "helplessness" and "uncontrolled weeping" after taking neuroleptic - Richard Bentall also speaks about his own experience of depression
Jan 11, 2002: Report on how support is growing for The Hearing Voices Network - Psychminded looks at the influential user-led organisation

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Comment from: Elizabeth Jones (name changed to protect identity of daughter), librarian at a university in London
Date: January 24, 2005

I think Soffe should make her experience widely knowm amongst mental health workers, that includes psychiatrists and doctors.

My daughter has been in a psychiatric hospital for over a year now since her psychotic breakdown.

She hears terrifying voices that drive her to behave in risky and dangerous ways. It has taken a good seven months of the time she has been there to persuade no less than six psychiatrists that the voices she hears are terrifying her.

I have many complaints about her care, the majority of so-called care assistants and some psychiatrists I have come across in this time don't seem to actually believe that voices even exist.

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